Too many people need to do that, nowadays. I long for the days whenãM> DS> life's pace was slower, and you didn't have folks at each other throats.ããM>I feel that way all the time! How extreme is it for you?ãã OK, you asked for it. <G>ãã First, three years ago, I had to become my Mom's caregiver, then endedãup putting her first into the hospital, and eventually into a nursingãhome. I had to become her Power Of Attorney, and with the help ofãArkansas Asset Protection Group, got everything financially set up.ãBasically, all of her monetary assets had to be cashed out, and put intoãa Miller Trust...to cover the $5500+ a month nursing home fee. Myãyounger brother wanted nothing to do with that, so all of that fell onãmy shoulders.ãã Then, I ended up moving out from H.U.D. subsidized housing for theãdisabled in West Little Rock, to move back home. I had moved out fromãhome (where I'm back at now...more on that in a moment), when I gotãmarried in 2003. Tragically, my wife died of a heart attack at 48 yearsãold, 3 weeks shy of our 4th anniversary. Since I became disabled duringãour marriage, I was able to stay out there. My Dad had died fromãpancreatic cancer 2 1/2 months before my wife died...it's coming up onãthe 13th anniversary of her passing...and I know I'll be a basket caseãthat day.ãã But, with the funding I was to get from the Miller Trust after herãdeath, I had to move out of there, and move back home...because itãwould've put me over the limit, and I would've been evicted. So, byãmoving out when I did, I do so on my terms, and am welcome to come backãthere to visit residents.ãã I had a fellow ham radio operator and his 2 sons, move me with UHaul,ãbasically across town, for $500. However, I lost 95% of my furniture inãthe move, as there was no room for it here...so he, his wife, and hisãsons, got all the stuff I couldn't move over here. Much of the stuff isãSTILL in the garage here. All my friends with my hobbies work, and haveãa family. Medical wise, it's hard to get a driver, because my brotherãwas nearly killed in a freak motorcycle wreck nearly 3 months after myãwife died.ãã So, I ended up putting my Mom in a nursing home in Lonoke, about anãhour east of Little Rock...but it was cheaper than in Pulaski County. Inãmid-July last year, the staff told me "her body was shutting down", andãI needed to put her into hospice...3 weeks later, she was gone...lessãthan a month before her 93rd birthday.ãã The funeral was delayed nearly 2 weeks, as the funeral home was soãbusy with other funerals on the schedule. My brothers former high schoolãclassmates being there, was great therapy for him...as he has always hadãa hard time with mortality, his, his friends, animals, or otherwise. Heãdidn't recognize one of the women, who had married another classmate.ãShe told him "Dank (his nickname), I got fat...and you got old!!" Talkãabout a shot across the bow!! I'll tell of one my late wife did to meãlater in the message.ãã Then, 2 months after her death, field rats (rodents) found their wayãin the house...and I had to call Terminix to remove the items soiled byãthe droppings, and to rodent proof the place. Thankfully, I had gottenãsome money upon her death to pay the huge bill...but they are coming byãweekly to treat things. Rats are smart and cautious, while mice areãcurious and stupid. And, with a lack of winter here the last 3 years,ãmany areas are having to deal with them. I haven't seen evidence of themãin a couple of weeks, but they first showed up 6 months ago. It willãtake awhile to get rid of them, but hopefully, it won't be as bad asãCOVID-19 has been for so many areas.ãã If this wasn't enough, I had to have bladder stone removal surgery 3ãdays after her death...and again 2 months ago. Plus, back in December,ã2018, they discovered an umbilical hernia...which has grown since then.ãSo, once COVID-19 settles out (Arkansas isn't doing as bad as someãstates), I've got laparoscopic surgery on the horizon.ãã Then, to add insult to injury (more like salt in the wound), I suspectãan update from Microsoft Windows crashed Internet Rex, so I had to shutãthe BBS down for 6 weeks...because we then had nearly nonstopãthunderstorms through March. We've had tornadoes, large hail, highãwinds, and flooding rain (this is the stormiest I've seen in the nearlyã43 years living in Arkansas)...but by comparison to other states, we'veãhad "a glancing blow"...especially with the tornado outbreak on Easter.ãI finally got things working again, with a short lull in the weather.ãã Basically, "On the extreme, I rest my case". :PããM>I find existing to be difficult at times. Sometimes, I swear, people don'tãM>even want me to exist, so often I'm trying to 'exist less' around people,ãM>depending on the situation.ãã My hopes have been crushed so many times, and some trips I had plannedãto "get away from things for a time", had to be cancelled...because ofãfinances, my Mom's funeral, and now for both COVID-19, and that hernia.ãIt is very hard for me to have a positive outlook anymore, and it's onlyãby the Grace Of God that I'm even sane right now. The hobbies of theãBBS, ham radio, and square dance publications, are keeping me busy, butãã(Continued to next message)ã---ã þ OLX 1.53 þ Go ahead, make my data!ã þ Synchronet þ The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.netã

(Continued from previous message)ããsome days, they aren't even a needed diversion.ãã There are times I've been angry and depressed. My luck is so bad, it'sãlike the song from Hee Haw (if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luckãat all)...but if I called the suicide, urinary or anal incontinenceãhotline numbers, I'd be asked "Can you hold, please??". :PããM>I get absolute love from my kids all the time. That's the best investment IãM>ever made.ãã My late wife and I never had kids. I contracted chicken pox from myãbrother 40 years ago, who got it from his first wife's kids. His caseãwas mild...mine was so severe, that it put me in the hospital for aãweek, and out of work at Burger King, and out of college at theãUniversity Of Arkansas At Little Rock for 2 months, by order from theãArkansas Health Department.ãã It was as if someone put me in a barrel of itching powder, and closedãthe lid...even the WaterPik shower massage didn't provide relief. Notãone part of my body went unscathed...even my genitals and buttocks wereãcovered!! I had to take those nasty oatmeal baths, and it nearly wentãinto encephalitis...so, they put me into isolation.ãã Then, I worked in Silkscreen printing for 18 years, and absorbed theãnasty solvent of Methyl-Ethyl-Ketone (very flammable). So, with concernãabout possibly having a child with birth defects...as my late wife soãeloquently put it..."they wouldn't spay me, so he volunteered to getãneutered". <G>ãã Ironically, I met her on a BBS run by the local college (the collegeãis still there, but the BBS is long gone), and she became my Co-Sysopãand my wife. In the doorgames, she was a great winner, but she was aãsore loser!! <G> Her eyesight may have been poor, but she'd find errorsãin the bulletins that I never saw.ãã She also had a Bachelors and Masters Degree in Psychology (she said "Iãlike a challenge" <G>), and I should've known better than to "mess withãher". One night, I was being a smart-@$$, and said "My head is so far upãmy butt, that I can see my throat!!". Without missing a beat, grinningãwryly, she said "That's why your eyes are brown!!" -- <ZING!!> <BG>ãã While I have all the wonderful memories that no one can take away, I'mãso glad that she's not here to see me suffer. I never did remarry, as atãthis stage of life, folks "have too much baggage"...physically,ãmentally, emotionally, financially, etc. If they or their kids are inãtrouble with the law, want someone else to fight their battles, notãshowing the kids "tough love" (the kids cuss their parents outãrepeatedly), and are financially irresponsible, I do NOT want or NEEDãthat "drama" in my life.ãã To quote the title of a TV show that ran on Animal Planet awhile back,ãnow you have seen "The Most Extreme". :PããDarylãã---ã þ OLX 1.53 þ Go ahead, make my data!ã þ Synchronet þ The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.netã

Well Daryl, that's a lot of unfortunate stuff that happened to you all in aãshort period of time.ããLet all those difficult memories get clouded-up by any positive things thatãhappened during those times. Obviously it will be hard to outweigh all theãsad stuff, but those few nice things that happened (you didn't mention anyãbut there has to be some) are the things you should focus on a bit more.ããI used to work at a casino with a bunch of tough-guy asses, and everyoneãtreated me like garbage there, but there's this xmas ornament I have in myãcar - I keep it there to remember this 1 nice lady from the casino who gaveãit to me as a xmas gift one year - that cheap, modest little xmas ornamentãmakes all the difference when I look back at those memories of when I workedãat that place. People were asses - but not that sweet lady who gave me theãornament. See how that helps me find comfort after an ordeal? (a smallerãordeal than yours - but this is my experience.)ãã--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A45 2020/02/18 (Linux/64)ã * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.comã

Well Daryl, that's a lot of unfortunate stuff that happened to you all in aãM>short period of time.ãã What was your first clue??ããM>Let all those difficult memories get clouded-up by any positive things thatãM>happened during those times. Obviously it will be hard to outweigh all theãM>sad stuff, but those few nice things that happened (you didn't mention anyãM>but there has to be some) are the things you should focus on a bit more.ãã From September, 2006 to September, 2007...I lost my grandmother-in-lawã(dropped dead), my Dad (pancreatic cancer), my wife (heart attack)...myãbest man (cancer), and nearly lost my brother in a freak motorcycleãwreck. The only good thing that happened was that I used a deal calledãHamTestOnline to upgrade my ham radio license from Technician to Generalãin 14 days, then General to Amateur Extra 13 days later. It was the bestãmoney I ever spent in amateur radio. I did it mainly to become what isãknown as a Volunteer Examiner to give and grade the license exams. I didãthis after Morse Code was no longer required for a ham radio license inãthe United States...and it has been the most rewarding thing I've everãdone in ham radio.ãã At one session, a husband, his wife, and their two sons, came in toãtake the entry level exam (the Technician License), and all 4 passedãtheir tests!! It was a joy to sign the documents saying they hadãpassed...but we joked "they were going to fight over the radio". <G>ãHowever, the funny part was that Dad and his 2 sons had the right changeãfor the exam fee ($15), but all Momma had was a $100 bill. When she saidãthat, the liaison at the time, quipped "I think you just passed"...theãwhole room busted out in laughter. But, several others were testing thatãday, and we had petty cash, so we were able to help her out.ãã He had been hinting at wanting to get out of being a liaison, and I,ãhaving being recently accredited as a Volunteer Examiner, asked him ifãhe'd like to take over, and he said one word..."PLEASE!!". Sadly, heãpassed away from pancreatic cancer several years ago...the same thingãthat killed my Dad and his sister.ãã In the time from the loss of my Dad, until my Mom got sick...we wentãon several trips to the Clive Cussler Collectors Society Convention.ãHe's a world famous fiction adventure writer...with titles like ArcticãDrift, Raise The Titantic, Poseidon's Arrow, among many others...we hadãa ball. Clive established the National Underwater Marine Agency (NUMA),ãlooking for and doing research on shipwrecks. He wanted to find theãwreck of the Bon Homme Richard, the ship used by John Paul Jones, whoãuttered the words "I have not yet begun to fight"...and as far as Iãknow, he never did.ãã Anyway, for several years (they don't do it anymore), they had aãraffle for a DOXA divers watch (good to 100 meters)...and ratherãexpensive ($2500). Anyway, one of the members, Tom Gwinn, was alwaysãsaying "I still do NOT have a Doxa". Well, with the help of a formerãemployer (silkscreen printing), and permission from Dr. Pete Millar, weãgot a picture of a DOXA watch on a T-shirt. Above the watch, it said "Iãhad hoped to win a Doxa for my wrist..." -- and below it, "But, this isãwhat I ended up with". <G> Only myself, my Mom (we were co-conspiratorsãin this <G>), Wayne and Kristi Valero, Bruce and Debbie Canfield, Robãand Liz Sansom, and Dr. Pete Millar, knew about this.ãã The late Wayne Valero (he died of a rare brain disease a few yearsãago, he was only 58 years old) was long time president of theãorganization, and loved being in the limelight. Well, he really "laid itãon thick" with leading up to the presentation. It went something likeãthis:ããWayne: A lot of people are going to be very mad, at what I'm about toãdo. But, something happened, that hardly anyone in this room knowsãabout. But, a DOXA, did come to this convention!!ããTom: YO!! THANK YOU!!ãã<begin the undertone grumbling> <G>ããWayne: However, I'm not going to raffle it off. Instead, I've decided toãgive it to one person...the one person in this room, more deserving thanãanyone else of a DOXA. Would Tom Gwinn please come up here??ãã By this time, the undertone grumbling was at a fever pitch ("Whatãmakes him so special??", etc.). Well, there was some laughter andãapplause, then here's Tom...on his hands and kness (looking like anãabsolute fool!), on the well sanded wooden stage (the event had aãHawaiian theme, lai's, hula dancers, grass skirts, and all), and he saidã"Praise The Lord!!". <G>ãã He walks toward the podium, grinning like the cat who swallowed theãcanary. Then, the look on his face like "What The Hell??", as Wayne goesãto get the shirt. Then realizing what it was, Tom turns away, as if toãsay "Oh, $h!+". At this point, Wayne holds up the shirt to the entireãroom...and it erupts into this loud scream, followed by raucousãlaughter, and a ton of smart-@$$ remarks (guilty as charged)!! <BG>ãã As he comes back toward the stage, seemingly emotionally crushed,ãeveryone's yelling "Read It!!", and he says "I can't read!!". The roomãgets dead quiet as he read it, and it resulted in another round ofãã(Continued to next message)ã---ã þ OLX 1.53 þ Honk if you love peace and quiet.ã þ Synchronet þ The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.netã

(Continued from previous message)ããraucous laughter and smart-@$$ remarks. <G>ãã Tom gets back to his seat, and Wayne (making like nothing had evenãhappened), said "In keeping with the seriousness of the evening"...itãwas interrupted by a shout from Tom...."IT FITS!!" (we got the sizeãright). At the end of the evening, they had given Clive this clock,ãnoting "NUMA, BEER, AND ALE...AND GOOD BEER"...Clive, grinning wryly,ãpointed to Tom, and said "Why don't you give it to him?? He needs aãwatch!!" <BG>.ãã After the dinner meeting, there was the book signing, and Tom wasãtrying to find out who did it. He finally came to my Mom and I, and weãconfessed. <G>ãã Well, I had taken a picture of my Mom and Clive, and Tom took thatãpicture (unknown to us), and enlarged it...then had everyone at the nextãyears convention, sign it. At that event, Wayne unrolls this thing,ãlooking directly at my Mom, "stupidly" asks "Does anyone know who I'mãsupposed to give this to??". My mouth, and my Mom's just dropped inãsurprise!! She was crying tears of joy, and saying "ME!! ME!! ME!!" <G>ãã She always treasured that, and I had it on display at her funeral 8ãmonths ago. Sadly, while typing this, I got teary eyed...the same wayãwhen I think of so many memories with my late wife. I guess the tearsãare a combination of the loss of them, but also the wonderful memoriesãthat no one can take away.ããDarylãã---ã þ OLX 1.53 þ Honk if you love peace and quiet.ã þ Synchronet þ The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.netã